sharing my life experiences, reflections and insights as a mother, a writer, an Occupational Therapist and and a spiritual being having a human experience

Posts tagged ‘song lyrics’

I AM HERE NOW…My 500 Words: January 31, 2018

And entire month of focus on writing,

New habits formed

Writing first thing in the morning

Quiet, reflection time before social media and music

Returning to daily gratitude journal writing

Inner peace

Restless energy

Anxiety

Channeling my energy

To what matters most to me

Priorities

New music

Inspiration

Deep within my soul

Reconnecting

To myself

And to my loved ones

Road trip with Harrison and my parents

My first born

The spirit who initiated me into motherhood

My practice child

I am my own harshest critic

Jan Luther

EFT and The Ego Tamer Academy

New opportunities

To explore

Alongside Don,

My soul mate

United together

With one vision,

Together

We are ten times stronger than

The sum of us alone

Shouldn’t you be in Charlotte?

The magazine spoke to me

Back in 1992

Sitting in my kitchen in Whitehall

Pennsylvania

Our paths

Destined to cross

United

As one

May 14, 1994

Here

I

AM

NOW

Living in the present

Pulled myself up

And out of the muck and mud

Raised my head out of the water

Learned to not just tread but to swim

To cross over to the other side of the lake

Feeling our feelings

Living through the experience

Stronger only after

Having gone through it

And come out on the other side

Many puddles along the way

Some deeper like oceans

With strong currents and…

Waves

Today

I

AM

Here

NOW

the present is a gift

Yesterday a canceled check and tomorrow a promissory note…

All we have is now

Right here,

Right now

What is the name of that Van Halen Song?

Jesus Jones sings Right here, right now

Van Halen sings Right Now

Music

Feeds my soul

Connects me to my inner self

My higher self

My

TRUE

SELF

i can’t stand to fly

I’m not that naive

I’m just out to find

The better part of me

I’m more than a bird, I’m more than a plane

I’m more than some pretty face beside a train

And it’s not easy to be me

Wish that I could cry

Fall upon my knees

Find a way to lie

About a home I’ll never see

It may sound absurd, but don’t be naive

Even heroes have the right to bleed

I may be disturbed, but won’t you concede

Even heroes have the right to dream

And it’s not easy to be me

Up, up and away, away from me

Well, it’s all right, you can all sleep sound tonight

I’m not crazy

Or anything

I can’t stand to fly

I’m not that naive

Men weren’t meant to ride

With clouds between their knees

I’m only a (hu)man in a silly red sheet

Digging for kryptonite on this one way street

Only a (hu)man in a funny red sheet

Looking for special things inside of me

Inside of me

Inside me

Inside me

Inside of me

I’m only a (hu)man

In a funny red sheet

I’m only a (hu)man

Looking for a dream

I’m only a (hu)man

In a funny red sheet

And it’s not easy

It’s not easy to be

Superman (It’s Not Easy)

Five for Fighting

Wonderwoman

I

CAN

FLY

My spirit

Can sour high

I am finding it easier to be me

I am finding comfort

In my own skin

The challenge

Is living in this human body

The challenge is letting my spirit shine while occupying this human space

The challenge has been connecting my true self with my human self

I AM HERE NOW

Advertisements

Turning Point, a new start for 2011

Quoting David Wilcox from his album Turning Point, from the song Turning Point:

“you can live your life completely

that true path you’re hear to find

Or stay scared, leave your destiny behind

It’s right now, here’s the turning point in time”

 

“just one thing can kill this dream

To compromise your vision”

“we find our truth, or live some lie”

“It rides on this decision”

-David Wilcox, Turning Point

I can recall a number of times in my life that have felt like “turning points”.  As I embark further with my writing journey and putting myself out there with my blog, I feel more deeply this idea of my pivotal point in my life.  I believe it is about stretching out of my comfort zone and each time I do that and in bigger ways or ways more in line with my truth, it is pivotal, transforming.  Sure, it is usually scary as hell as well as exhilarating.  For me, the older I get, the more challenging change feels.

The past year, has been the most challenging in all of my 41 years of life.  My husband had been underemployed for over a year, after selling his business and taking full-time work only to lose it one year later, not laid-off but worse, made a “contractor”, leaving him underemployed and unable to collect unemployment. And I was 3 months pregnant with our third child.  We had waited to have a third child until he had full-time work so I could be home full-time.

I reluctantly agreed to go back to work after my youngest  turned one year after much resisting because I really wanted to be home full-time with him and my older two children.   Something I was not able to do with either of them during their tender early years. I kept thinking my husband would have full-time work or the work he had could turn into full-time work, but it didn’t despite all his job searching and interviews. My one year old was fine with me being gone a few hours a couple of times a week, but my pain went far deeper, 12 years deeper when I had to return to work full-time with my first-born, 3 month old son.

And as I began my journey, working prn outside the home again, my daughter’s quirks and issues at night-time snowballed into full-blown OCD.  Financially challenged, with credit card debt, maxed out home equity loan, homeschooling with three children, 12, 8 and 1, working outside the home and flubbing our way through dealing with our daughter’s OCD.  My husband had found more regular work at the same time my daughter’s issues got worse, working 3 days a week, 20 hours, several counties away with over an hour commute each way.  Good that he had this work, yet it was not quite enough to pay the bills and the travel time added stress to my daughter who is challenged by any kind of change.  Not to mention, the stress on our 11-year-old car with 150,000 miles that needed much work before all those miles were added to it.

Some think two parents working both part-time and sharing child caring is ideal, but it brings its own challenges. It is a balancing act of two different people being in charge as the primary caregiver and having to shift gears frequently between working outside the home mindset and parenting.  My husband and I share similar beliefs and values in regards to parenting and life in general and yet we are two different people.  It took me years to realize, we did not need to parent identically.  Yet, shifting roles as primary caregiver has always been a challenge especially if my husband is working from home and a challenge for our children.  We managed well when we were able to pay the bills but add the stress of insufficient income for a long period of time (despite having savings to use, when you are 41 and 52, you really don’t want to use up all your 401K money) and it magnifies the issue.

Life is a journey.  Parenting is a journey.

I am happy to say I can look back over the past year and see all the challenges and struggles and all the mistakes we made and see that I am coming through it.  It is a process and the challenges are still there.  We have learned, often the hard way with what “not to do” and continue to learn along the way as we find help for our daughter as well as figure out how best to juggle our finances.

The 20 hour regular contract work my husband obtained in March of 2009, ended or slowed down significantly in November of 2009 and so I began working as much as I could outside the home, hoping to continue my writing pursuits with my dream of earning income from my writing (something I am passionate about and can do from home ).  I kept on writing and working and parenting.  And that voice in my head said, “but you can make far more money working as an Occupational Therapist than as a writer and there is lots of work out there as an OT”.

And then, I hurt my back and hip on New Year’s Eve 2010.  I have hurt my back before and have had long-term issues with my hip but I have bounced back quickly with chiropractic and acupuncture intervention, walking and stretching.   This time was the worst and for over a week, I couldn’t  walk without lifting my own leg and taking pain medication,  600 mg of ibuprofen 3 times a day.May not sound like much but I count on one hand the number of times I have taken ibuprofen in the past 10 years.  I have moved to a more natural approach to diet and health and have been the healthiest I have ever been in my life with this approach.  And so to take that much pain medicine and still have severe pain, felt like a huge setback not to mention how it was interfering with being a parent and with living.

With this experience,  I realized, sure, I can more easily make money working as an Occupational Therapist, OT, but if I hurt myself, I can’t work as an OT and yet I can still write.  That silly voice in my head needed that slap in the face.

I made time to write despite my pain.  (I discovered that my lap top makes a great heating pad.)  And I began healing and could walk without severe pain and even was able to go to work with restrictions of no heavy lifting for a few hours.  They needed me to work and so I  made sure the patients I saw were high enough level to not need physical assistance.  I then saw how I need to take it slowly as I was exhausted after working just 3 hours as an OT 2 days in a row.

Here I am just 17 days after the mind numbing pain experience began, out at a coffee-house writing.  I have been reflecting on my life and experiences even more deeply than I have over the past year.  Each time that I am able to get out of the house and have several hours to myself, I am able to dig deeper and as I write, I learn more about myself, my journey and the person that I really strive to be.

I see more clearly the message in David Wilcox’s words, a song I have listened to many times over the years.

“you can live your life completely

that true path you’re hear to find

Or stay scared, leave your destiny behind

It’s right now, here’s the turning point in time”

This time to myself to write is vital to  my being.  It is my therapy for everyday life challenges and essential with the exceptional challenges I have had in my life and  in particular, those with my daughter.  When I return home after being out for the afternoon, I feel excited to see my family and energized to take on  day-to-day moments.  I see things with greater clarity and perspective.  Sometimes, and more often than I like to admit, as I look back, I then have a let down the next day, knowing that my time to myself is “over for the week”.  I get lost in the “daily grit and grind” of life and caring for three children, one very young and energetic and one severely affected by a mental health condition which has impacted our entire family challenging us in more ways than imaginable.

I hear David’s song and I share these lyrics even though they are not sequential, I picked the ones that struck me the most:

“Your compass is within you

You’re holding out for something real

How long the distance

Getting by and getting through

Your heart’s strong insistence, says nothing else will do

But it’s hard to breath inside some cheap disguise”

-David Wilcox, Turning Point

I make no resolutions or promises in this new year to do or refrain from certain things.  Instead, I take the oath to continue on my journey of life and self discovery, aiming to be a better version of the person I strive to be.  I accept my shortcomings and mistakes as part of my journey.  I strive to focus on my strengths and tune into what I do want to see in my life to draw more of the same to my life. I aim to spend more time writing and thus working on myself which is key to helping anyone else in my life.  I must first put on my own oxygen mask before I put on my child’s.

Every moment in my life is a turning point.  I make a decision in every moment, a decision  of who I now choose to be.  My only goal is to be “the grandest version of the greatest vision ever I held about who I am”.*

(*Thank you Neale Donald Walsch, and the Conversations with God books for that phrase and concept.)