Today is Sunday, May 22, 2011. It is 6:20am. I have not written a blog since the 10th despite my desire to do so more often. I have many Facebook posts and notes and emails that I will turn into blog posts…all in good time.
Everyone is asleep right now and so I am taking this moment to post here and now. Where do I start and what do I say?
My life has been turned upside down since May 4 yet I have so much gratitude for all of it. Grateful for the medics who were here just in time before my husband went into cardiac arrest, grateful I called 911 when I did, grateful for Dr. Iwaoka, the wonderful cardiologist who saved his life and all those involved, from the ambulance medics to the ER at Presbyterian and everyone in the cath lab and all who helped in his care those 12 days in the hospital, including housekeeping, who were all so friendly and helpful!!!!!!
My husband has lived to tell the tale, and yet, it is I who tell the tell. He has no memory of anything that happened after the medic arrived and was kneeling next to him (around 6pm) until he woke up CCU about 10:30pm. I believe we forget all of that for a good reason. Sometimes, I wish I could forget and yet the memory serves me and reminds me of how precious life is and how wonderful it is that he is here with me now.
When we first talked in the CCU that night after he was “brought back to life”. He was shocked to know he not only had a heart attack, but a massive one. He joked about being bummed that he did not “see the light”. I told him he came very close. As time unfolded and we looked back on the experience, I see that he did likely see the light as he came so close. The image of his dark blue face as the medics wheeled him out of our house, still in Vtach, after shocking him 3 times, reminds me how close to death he came.
I do believe the accounts of those who have had near death experiences. And I know that Don came very close and he choose to stay here on earth. Looking back on it, I even believe that he was by my side and the reason I was so calm with the kids after the medics moved us out of the living room and we sat on our stairwell quietly tapping (EFT) as I occasionally peeked in to see what was happening. How else could I have been so calm?
I have so much to share from this experience. I am not sure what to say next.
I am grateful every day for this second chance. Despite how crazy busy life seems right now as we adjust to an altered life with medications and helping Don to heal and recover while caring for my three children and myself, I can be thankful every minute of my life.
Life has new meaning.