I wrote my last post Twisted Sister on January 13, two and a half weeks ago. It fits into my my Don’t Look Back, Keep Moving Forward post series -post two as well as the first post written on December 15, 2015. I can now see that I have made great progress in the past month. I personaly feel my last post has alot to do with my recent progress, as well as the actions I am taking for my mental health. Sure, I would imagine the medicine I am taking helps me to move forward, yet without the other components, I’m not sure how much the medication would really help me.
One huge component has been my participation in the Emerald Live Group which meets montly in person to do personal transformation work on “taming our inner ego”, aka, the negative critical voice in our head which kicks us dowen and prevents us from living up to our full potential. Not only do I have to show up montly, but there are exercises to do each week. (I will be honest, I haven’t done the exercises in over two months, yet I did them for 6 months prior.) There is also a Facebook group and montly phone calls. For me, participating in the Facebook group page along with the in person meet ups has been very helpful to me. Facebook is my main connection to the outside world because most of my life I am either at work with elderly people or assisting my three children with their homeschool/ life journey.
I am a caregiver at work, with my children, and now to some degree for my parents. That much caregiving is a certain recipe for burnout and personal depletion. Or it can be, if I do not take care of myself and give myself vacations from “caregiving”. No, I can’t ever really stop being a mother, even if I am physically not in the same state as my kids, I am still their mother and because they are minors (well, even my 18 year old needs mom, often via text) I always know, I could get a call or a text about them with something urgent to handle or discuss or some kind of scheduling conflict to solve. I have to balance thier needs with mine.
Parenting is a juggling act. I made a plaque for my husband shortly after he first went into business for himself in 1996. And later in 2002, I added to it. I titled it “Juggler’s Award” and I drew a pciture of a clown balancing on a moving board, juggling balls and I and etched around the clown the names of his various roles in life: “Partner, motivator, husband, friend, business owner, lover, managaer, uncle, son, brother, salesman, listener, home-maker, and father.”
When was the last time you stopped and thought about all of the roles you play in your life?
I have done that exercise of listing my roles, yet, the challenge is really in consciously choosing how we spend our time. First, we need to look realistically how we ACTUALLY do spend the hours of our days and then compare it to our priorities and values. Only then, can we make action steps to make changes in our life and better schedule our time. There may be things we need to let go of and say goodbye to, if even just for now. We might need to spend less time playing games on our iphone and scrolling through Facebook and schedule set times to check emails so important messages are not missed. We may need to schedule time with our children, maybe even individual time, as well as time with our partner and/ or friends. Most importantly, we may need to schedule time for ourself, to engage in a hobby we enjoy, or make steps forward with something we are passionate about or want to pursue, and time to relax and just be. Just be who we are, the real you, deep down in your inner soul, the person you are meant to be. And even though I say, “we” and “you”, I mean “me!” Yet, maybe some of it fits for you. Take what works for you, find your own way, and leave the rest.
Once again, Pandora has graced me with an appropriate song as I write.
No, I’ll stand my ground, won’t be turned around
And I’ll keep this world from draggin’me down
Gonna stand my ground and I won’t back down
(I won’t back)
Hey baby, there aint’t no easy way out
(I won’t back down)
Hey I will stand my ground
And I won’t back down
Well I know what’s right, I got just one life
In a world that keeps on pushin’ me around
But I’ll stand my ground and I won’t back down