Tuesday Train Ride: The value was so much greater than the cost

I took a spontaneous trip back to Raleigh with my daughter last night

She was home for just one night

For a weekend after Thanksgiving

For time with family

It wasn’t enough time

It wasn’t enough time for her to recharge

It wasn’t enough time for me to love on her

To fill her cup

Trying to get on the road to be home by 8pm

Reluctant to leave

Leaving on a Monday around 4:30 pm 

So much traffic…

I sat in her room 

As she packed up to head home

Reluctant to leave

Leaving on a Monday around 4:30 pm 

So much traffic…

I sat in her room 

As she packed up to head home

I listened to her

I was a shoulder to cry on

As she vented and stressed about returning to her place

Hugs

Then, I had an idea…

The train!

In 30 minutes I managed to:

Locate a train for the next day

She could drop me off on her way to work

I could take the 10am train home

“But Mom, I have to leave for work by 8am”

I can hang out at the train station

It’s a beautiful train station with comfortable places to sit

I had taken a train back home several months ago

It was a Friday evening train

It was crowded and my first time ever riding 

An Amtrak Train

Tuesday, mid-morning

That should be easy!

I packed an overnight bag

Last minute trip

No time to worry

Limit my luggage to carryon bag and back pack

I was focused and got it done

My husband got food together for us

We loaded her car and were on the road at 5pm

Half a tank of gas

“I got home on half a tank, it should be enough”

I had a feeling we would need gas

She talked and I drove

Driving my old civic

The car we gave her when her Subaru became unreliable

Lively and engaged in conversation

Much different mood than an hour before in her room

Low gas warning light

She found a station with low price with Gas Buddy

As I filled the car with gas

A woman in a red Camry asked me for help

She was lost and out of gas

She wanted directions

I did not know my way around

My phone!

I used my navigation app 

To enter the address of where she needed to go

I read to her what it said

She looked lost and confused

“Please help me” she repeated

I asked my daughter to write down the directions

She asked for a few dollars for gas

I dug in my wallet knowing I had no cash

Between the two of us, we only had coins

My credit card!

I offered to fill up her car with some gas

“Thank you”

She was so grateful

She was parked too far from the tank 

And parked with the wrong side facing the tank

She struggled to drive between my car and another

To turn her car around to pull up to the tank

I wanted to offer to drive the car for her

I chuckled at the situation

“Are you laughing at me?”

Amused by the situation and happy

Happy that I could help her

I told her I wouldn’t have helped if she had been a man

And she understood and agreed

Happy to help her out

Knowing her feeling of being lost

And out of gas

I had been in a situation as a 23 year old

At night driving home without my wallet

Turned the wrong way and was so low on gas

It was 1993 and I had no cell phone

I imagined I would need to stop at a gas station and beg for a dollar to fill up my tank…

Wow

I did not have to stop that night

I made it back to my apartment

Here I was almost 30 years later

Helping someone else in a similar situation

My daughter and I were happy that we took the time too help

I heard her ask someone else for directions as I filled her car

She was headed to the hospital

I was even more grateful that I was able to help her

She had found someone who would help her

To let her follow them to get her back on the right road

To get to the hospital

I never asked where she was going and why

My daughter and I enjoyed time together at her house

Watching our favorite TV show

And then off to bed to get up by 6:30 am

She has a spare room in the house she rents with a friend

It has been convenient for us to visit and stay with her

It feels so good to be there for her

When she needs us

To spontaneously pack a bag

And drive her home

Ode to Nov 8, 1992-2022

November 8,1992

I packed my Corolla and traveled solo

from Whitehall, Pa to Charlotte, NC

I left the day before and made a stop to visit college friends in Town

First move as a grown up, just graduated with my OT degree.

I can still see the ad in my AJOT magazine

Yes, that was how you found a job in 1992

The ad read:

Shouldn’t you be in Charlotte?

Little did I know the truth in that message.

Adopted first kittens from my sister‘s friend, my sweet Lassie and Thumper

Met my soul mate 4 months later in March of 1993

And we got married May 14, 1994.

Three little birds followed…

November 10, 1997: The gift of love

February 6, 2002: Feminine empowerment

January 8, 2009: Bundle of Joy born in our home to make our family complete

Oct 29, 2010: the gift of peace: our family angel, Olive, joined our home

Bookclub in 2006: Peanut climbed in Harrison’s lap

And some years later: Shiloh stole Abby’s heart

Abby begged us to let her fed a stray tuxedo cat, Not

Fall of 2018: Two tine kittens showed up in our yard, Sunshine and Shadow

And then Nox showed up with her kitten and as Abby and Lexi heard noises from the nearby quarry, name her Boom Boom

Our outside cat clan grew to 5 with my sweet Domino, the reincarnation of Thumper, which I confirmed when he crossed the rainbow bridge

So many animals in our life bringing us unconditional love

30 years have passed since I made the leap and moved 600+ miles from home to begin my adult life

November 8, 2022

homeschooling mom of 3, and 2 graduated!

Breastfeeding advocate

Former La Leche League Leader

Adult and geriatric rehab OT

Co-founder of Focused Healthy Family with my amazing soul mate, Don

Writer, blogger

Lover of life and all things parenting

Dog mamma, cat rescue mamma

LGBTQIA ally &advocate

Happy to have my parents living less than an hour away

So HAPPY to be living in Charlotte 30 years later

North Carolina, my beloved state, make me proud and turn us blue today… do it for me as an anniversary gift.

Thank you

Three Little Birds: beautiful, creative, noisy children

Last night the five of us were together for game night. Abby joined us via Facetime yet it felt almost as good as her being here in person. Looking at these sweet faces and thinking over the past 13 years since this picture was taken, I realize that this is still how I see them in my heart.

I have two children in their twenties and a teenager. Did I see this 30 years ago when I decided to move to Charlotte? Becoming a mom was always on my mind. I envisioned having at least 4 children. Instead I have 3 birthed children and now have a wonderful almost daughter-in-law, who balances out our act. I have shared my home with two dogs and a total of 5 cats, as well as the three cats who adopted our property as their home base.

My life feels full, overflowing with love. My son has taken our boxes of more than 30 years of pictures and has been scanning them into digital format for us. I helped him sort some of them by date and shared many memories and laughs with him; sweet tender moments, silliness and a few pictures from my teenage years. There were more than 5000 pictures in those boxes that had been sitting on the top shelf of a closet. Now we will be able to organize and categorize them in a google drive easily accessible to all.

Today I stood outside at 6:00 am before the sunrise. I listened to the sounds of nature and looked at the quarter moon in the star speckled sky. I recalled camping trips with my kids and our friends from many years ago. One year, Don joined us for a family camping trip and what I remember most is how it poured rain one afternoon and the 4 of us huddled in the center of our leaking tent listening to the sound of the rain. My youngest never had the experience of camping.

I have options. I can choose to focus on lack and the experiences she didn’t have. I can choose to see missed opportunities and things I wish I had done differently or I can choose love and abundance. I can recall the memories for the experiences they were and see the gifts in my life as well as for all of my children. They have their own individual paths on this journey we call life as do all of us.

The biggest challenge for me is wishing more connection for my youngest. Her siblings spent more time together in our early homeschooling journey being only four years apart. When I look at this picture it reminds me of those precious years when the five of us were all together under one roof. Trips to the park with the four of us when my minivan was full of spare clothes, random books and papers and three beautiful, creative, noisy children. I see the love they have for each other and especially their baby sister. My last birthed baby who was the missing puzzle piece for our family.

This connection that I have created with my children fills me with pride. My husband and I have birthed a family environment of support and connection. Despite the challenges we have been through and those that lie ahead, we know we can count on each other. My son shows up when my daughter moved into her apartment and she felt strongly about being there for him and his move. My youngest looks forward to game night with the six of us and I believe we all share that love of time together.

I see this picture and I know their connection can continue to grow with time as my youngest moves through her. teenage years. This reminds me of when our outside cat, Nox, gave birth to three kittens. As we found homes for them, my then ,20 year old son wanted them to all go to a home together. He didn’t want to see them split up from their siblings. My greatest wish for my children is no matter where life takes them, that the three of them can stay connected and always be there for each other.

Grounding Gratitude

Here I am again

Sitting on my front porch in my glider rocker as the sun shines in my face, typing on my MacBook

Boomie, my outside tuxedo cat, is basking in the sun on the ground next to me

Occasionally he reaches up to play with the end of my coat

Today is a bonus day!

It has been a long time since I was called off work on a weekend.

A Sunday at home is a rare occurrence for me.

I have a play list on Spotify for days like today, Sundays at home.

A storm brought a cold front to our warm NC March and the temperature dropped below well below freezing last night, 19 degrees.

Today is the start of daylight savings and it was 30 degrees when I woke up.

I took a brisk walk bundled with in a heavy coat, scarf and hat. It felt empowering to take a Sunday morning walk. I walked to the end of our street where the road comes to a dead end and a path leads through the woods, cleared out for the power lines because it really is part of a road. A part of August Lane that remained uninhabited for years and so trees grew up along it. Several years ago they cleared a path, clearing out trees to protect the overhead power lines and slowly some houses have been built along the path. It has become my new favorite place to walk. A quiet walk in the woods in my suburban neighborhood of mostly half acre lots.

There are so many things I would like to do today.

Part of me wants to just sit on my porch in the sun all day…

Somehow the stars have aligned and not only do I have off work, but so does my son who works in retail management and also works every weekend.

We are going to have a family game night.

There is nothing I love more than having all of my kids together in our home, eating a meal, laughing and playing a game together.

Sometimes someone has flared anxiety and there might be tension in the air. There is usually some form of arguing. We aren’t perfect but we are perfectly human.

From as far back as I can remember, I dreamed of the day when I would have my own family with several kids. I always wanted an even number, to avoid the middle child issue.

I birthed three children and my son brought the forth into our life, his girlfriend since age 17. Two dogs have found comfort in our home and we have been adopted by several cats, currently two who live inside and two who live outside.

When we are all together, I feel fulfilled. It is the experience I have always wanted.

My progress pride flag is flapping in the breeze as I write and the sun warms the cold air. 30 degrees in March in NC is much warmer than March in Pennsylvania where I grew up. It will warm up to about 52 degrees and within the week the weather will return to 70 degrees.

I read over what I have typed here and it feels mundane.

Today, I revel in the simplicity of daily life and enjoy where I am right here and right now.

Thank you God! Thank you God! Thank you God!

And so it is

Amen and Awomen

Thank you Reverend Randolph Wilkinson

I still hear your voice speaking at Unity of Charlotte and am grateful for the connection you brought to my life.

The Sun Rises Even in the Fog

Today is Friday, March 11 and I have chosen to write my morning gratitude here. I am sitting outside in the fog on this crisp winter weather day in North Carolina.

I have been making a strong effort to get outside each morning, no matter what the weather and stand on my front porch, listen to MLK by U2 and visualize the ocean off the pier. I did that in March of 2021 and one year later, I am proud of myself because I have been able to lift myself up and see the bigger picture without having to be at the beach.

This week I have felt that sadness, the desperation of wanting to get help for my child and feeling hopeless.

When my child struggles, I struggle and yet I know that in these moments it is more important than ever that I take care of myself.

Selfcare

What does self care mean?

When I am working as an Occupational Therapist in a nursing home, selfcare means grooming, dressing, toileting and bathing.

For me, I used to think it meant having a night out of the house to myself. Time to binge watch a show or sit in a coffee house sipping a chai latte and eating a gluten free cookie, or an entire box of cookies.

I have come to realize that it is so much more than having time alone to myself.

Routine is important for our brain and for our mental health. Having a ritual, a practice, even 5 minutes where we sit in mindfulness each and every day.

Mindfulness can look like eating one piece of chocolate slowly, first looking at it, and taking it in through all of our senses.

Listening to music that feeds your soul

Petting a cat and hearing her purr

Sitting quietly with your senior dog and rubbing her head

Writing in a gratitude journal

Taking a walk

Meditation

Quiet reflection

For me self care looks like this:

Getting up in the morning hoping to be out in time to see the sunrise and going out even when the clouds obscure the view of the sun.

Waking up at 6:30 am on a cold foggy day and knowing I need to go outside.

Standing on my front porch in a winter coat and hat, with an umbrella or in my shorts and t-shirt

Listening to meditative music and standing in power pose

Breathing in the cold air

Looking out at the sky

Hearing the sounds of the earth, the birds, the neighbor’s dog, the wind flapping my progress pride flag that hangs over my front yard

Remembering how I felt when I stood on Pier 14 at Myrtle Beach

Beach Memories: 15 years of family fun with Blue Green

Twenty-four years ago today, my first child was born. It’s 6:30 in the morning as I write this post, watching the sunrise over Myrtle Beach, I remember heading to the hospital in the early morning hours November 10, 1997.

Such excitement for a young couple to bring a human being into this world. I see our house as we pulled in the driveway at 5612 Trotters Ridge Road. We enter a decorated entranceway, courtesy of our wonderful neighbors, Brian and Cindy. I was hungry and wished I had gotten a lunch at the hospital before we left. Our baby boy had cried most of the way home and I sat and nursed him as my husband fed me lunch. I was 28 years old.

I have enjoyed several birthdays at the beach over the years and this year I am here for my son’s birthday. Unfortunately he could only stay through last night because he is needed at work today. It’s a crazy time of the year for a manager working in retail. He began working part-time at Best Buy six years ago, just after his 18th birthday. He shared birthday celebrations with me joining us at the beach for 3 days.

I remember our first family beach trip. Harrison was 9 and Abby was 5. I can still see their excitement as we walked to the beach and they played in the water, the run-off water that drains at the beach. I didn’t realize that is what it was at the time. We had a free stay courtesy of Blue Green. We had no intentions of purchasing a time share that weekend. I am so glad “I caved” as my husband tells me, despite paying too much for our time share, we have had so many wonderful vacations together over the past 15 years.

Our first grand adventure we went to Florida in March of 2008. We stopped in Savana and had lunch and then stayed a night in Jacksonville. We went to St. Augustine the next day as I was eager to see the statue that inspired the name La Leche, an organization that helped me connect with my baby and continue to nurse when I returned to work 12 weeks after he was born. I later became a La Leche League leader, helping other moms on their journey with breastfeeding. I treasure that time in my life and all the amazing women I met. La Leche League introduced me to attachment parenting and a new way of life. I met my first homeschooling parent at one of the early meetings. It was the evening group I began attending in preparation for returning to work.

Here we were 9 years after I attended that first LLL meeting, a family of 4 at Ormond Beach Florida staying in the beautiful BlueGreen resort. Such excitement for our first full-fledged family vacation, one that did not involve visiting family.

We sat on the beach and dug a sand chair and splashed in the ocean. It was really windy and I was upset that cars were allowed to drive on the beach. If feels like a life time ago and it was a time before OCD wrecked havoc on our life. I had a cell phone but that is all it was. If I took pictures, they are in a box somewhere. I had not yet joined Facebook.

We have not returned to Florida but have enjoyed many visits to Myrtle and North Myrtle Beach. Two summers ago, my and the kids enjoyed a few nights in the mountains of Virginia in the luxury yurt! I had dreamed of staying in the yurt since I first thumbed through the BlueGreen Vacation Book.

I guess our first trip with all three of my children was in the summer of 2009. We went first for a few nights to visit with the Grothoff side of the family where several of my in-laws were staying for a week. I think we returned in September as I recall pictures of a young Lexi sitting in the sand and I know we went in September of 2011. Most of the trips were for two or three nights. October 2019 we enjoyed 5 nights at North Myrtle to celebrate my 50th birthday.

I am talking dates and places yet in my head swirl all the memories…

The across the lazy river challenge, my two older children using the inflatable tubes to get across the pavement

Collecting sea shells and our last day walk on the beach tradition

Lexi standing on the beach “water bending”

Tossing a ball in the pool

Building sandcastles and sand chairs and a sandman

Lost buckets and shovels and ordering new ones

Standing in the water as the waves crashed against us and I held dearly to my children through excitement and giggles

Shopping adventures and picking out refrigerator magnets for our collection

Hard Rock Cafe in Florida and California Pizza in South Carolina

Monopoly

I almost forgot about Monopoly games both at the beach and New Year’s Eve at home

Returning from a walk along the beach with Abby to a decorated room to celebrate my birthday.

Dancing on the table with Don

Listening to music and dancing through the balcony doorways

Many of these images are captured in digital form and likely why I remember them so well.

I also tend to remember things very clearly when I write about them and as I think about that fact, I wish I had done more writing during these wonderful trips together.

It has been wonderful to have the past three days with all six of us. I will close with the memories of this birthday beach trip.

Harrison stopping the bubbling over seltzer coming up his straw and watching the seltzer fly out his nose

Walking along the pier and Lexi naming the seagulls, sand pipers and Pelicans

The pelican sitting in the middle of the pier surrounded by people

People laughing as a sand piper stole the food that someone through down for the pelican

Learning a new game together, Betrayal at Hill House, fighting our doppelgängers

Harrison figuring out the chair lift to lower Kai/ Liz into the hot tub

Harrison and I helping Kai/Liz walk along the beach back to their wheelchair.

Abby and I perusing the Gay Dolphin shop on the Myrtle Beach Board Walk.

Uno Flip

Carrying lasagna from our room around the corner to the second room where Harrison, Kai and Abby were staying

Kai capturing photos of Harrison’s silliness opening his gifts

Don’s stress relief instruction card

Dammit Doll

WTF memo pad

Jelly Beans and Taffy

Large candy cane and a glass taco ornament

Wooden puzzle block puzzle, we never did check that one out and I am quite curious about it

Exploring the mystery of the Gay Dolphin and all its levels

Watching sunset from the balcony

Walking on the beach at sunset with Harrison

Enjoying Harrison’s drone pictures of the ocean

Watching 911 in Abby’s room

The one where Chimney travels to find Maddie and

Athena’s son deals with his trauma of being kidnapped

Grocery shopping with Harrison, another tradition, but somehow I forgot about the silliness that we usually enjoyed while shopping

Don, Lexi and I enjoying a morning walk along the beach

My solo walks along the beach and dancing in the water as the pigeons watched my shoes

Because I asked the pigeons to watch my shoes

Walking along the boardwalk with Abby and showing her Sea Glass Tower and the 20th floor where I stayed both times I traveled to the beach alone

Enjoying home made muffins with tea on the balcony with Lexi

The sun in my eyes

November 7-10, 2021 at Horizons at 77th

Drowning in Tears: Feeling my feelings and moving through them

Last night, I was very upset and so I went to my cozy chair in the basement where I write. I curled up with a blanket and my “Sad” playlist, adding more sad, sappy songs from the 70s.

I brought my crochet bag with me. I crocheted the blanket I have been working on for my nephew’s birthday. I crocheted and cried and got lost in the music and lyrics.

I realized it has been a long time since I have allowed my feelings to flow like that. Bottled up feelings came pouring out, anger, resentment, frustration, sadness…

My mind was flooded with so many situations that have bothered me over the past several years. I felt very alone at the time and rejected. I felt like I was being swallowed by my feelings. I was in the flood of tears and sorrow like floating alone in the middle of the ocean, out of sight from land.

I felt ignored by my partner, my best friend, my spouse. Yet, I wasn’t ready to accept anything from him. Looking back on it now, I see that I needed to stay in my feelings and allow them to be really be felt. I curled up and fell asleep for a short while. He came downstairs around 11:30, tapped me on the shoulder and said, “You’re falling asleep. It’s time to go to bed.”

I didn’t want him or anyone telling me what to do. I was awake when he came down and I know I had fallen asleep. I had intentionally set my crochet down and curled up to sleep because I was exhausted by my feelings.

I did get up because sleeping on my chair, as comfortable as it is, is no way to sleep. I wanted to be in my bed with the covers over me. I just didn’t want to interact with anyone. I had my earbuds in the entire time, lost in my music, comforted by my music. I got ready for bed and climbed in with my ear bud still in one ear as I lay on my side to sleep.

I did not fall asleep right away. It was late and our 12 year old was still awake which bothered me. It was almost midnight and I worried she was having a flare up of anxiety and worried how he would handle it. I took out my ear bud, heard talking but not the words and decided it was calm. I lay there partly wanting him to approach me and give me a hug, apologize.

When I was curled up on my chair crying and crocheting, my 19 year old came down the stairs several times doing her laundry. She looked over at me and I looked up. She put her arms out and without words, let me know she would like to give me a hug. I still had my earbuds in listening to my music. She came over to me and gave me a big hug.

“Thank you” I told her

And she went upstairs without a word.

I felt seen and heard and loved in that moment.

I realized that was exactly what I needed. And it made me cry even more. Tears of joy and pain. Feeling proud that I had raised this amazing young woman and grateful that she understood. She understood what I needed in that moment and gave it to me without judgement and in the way I needed in the moment, without words.

When I am depressed, as in experiencing major depression, I do not curl up in a chair and cry. I may spend moments curled up and alone, yet for the most part, I feel numb and detached from my feelings. I distract myself from my feelings and at times even see that. Knowing it is too painful to feel everything that I am feeling and that I still need to function. I need to function enough to work to bring in income to take care of my family, to be sure they are fed and attended to with their basic needs.

I disappear from myself and engage in avoidance which usually looks like me lost in a game on my phone or binging on tv shows.

Last night, I did it differently.

I was upset at my husband and unhappy with how an argument had ended, how the entire conversation had transpired. I choose to be alone, listen to music and work on a project I was eager to complete. I withdrew to my safe space, my personal space I have created for myself. As I cried and crocheted, I realized I needed to let these feelings out. I got lost in how alone I felt yet looking back now, I see I needed that.

Today, I woke up not knowing how my day would proceed. I showered because I never did that yesterday and wanted to feel fresh. I was happy that I woke up while everyone was asleep. I needed more alone time to process and in order to move forward.

I decided to step outside on the porch like I have done regularly over the past week or so. It is my new morning routine, a meditation and quiet reflection time standing on my porch with the eastern sky view of the sunrise.

I stood on the porch, listened to my meditation song and watched the beautiful red and purple colors of the sunrise on this cold, crisp, January morning. I was deliberately choosing each next step that I took. I fed the outside cats, I had made my tea. Standing on the porch, I decided I needed to take a walk and what a wonderful morning to walk.

I needed to express my feelings outwardly to release the intense emotions with movement of my body. Flipping through songs on my iPhone, I matched my walking pace to the songs. I reflected over thought provoking songs and I danced and sang with empowering music. It felt so good to walk as I realized how much I needed to take that walk.

I am the one who tells my children that when their brain feels stuck either with depression or anxiety, that getting out and moving their body is so important.

Moving helps the brain to move out of the anxiety and getting outside helps to ground ourselves and to center ourselves. Walking or exercising or just moving outside is brain food. Exercise for the brain and body which is one of the best things we can do for our mental health.

Now, I write.

Writing is meditation for me. Writing is who I am. When I am writing, I am expressing myself, enabling myself to be the grandest version of the greatest vision every I held about who I am.

Find your outlets for your feelings. Find what works for you. When you can take care of yourself in this way, by feeling your feelings and moving through them with intention and reflection, you give your children the greatest gift.

Our children learn through our example. In order to help them accept and process their feelings, we need to take care of ourselves and this includes feeling our feelings and allowing them to see our experience.

We can create a safe space in our homes for feeling feelings. We can give our children a time when they can let out their frustrations without any judgment from us. We empower our children when we empower ourselves.

In order to move through feelings, we must first step into them like entering the water to swim to the other side.

Sunrise Over Cumberland

Awake at seven am

quiet house

all asleep

cats meow

morning peace

before the sunrise

chilly morning

standing on balcony listening to MLK

MLK, the song by U2

standing on the dock at Pier 19

Wind blowing on that cold March morning

So let it be

Domino munching on crunchies

and if the thunder cloud passes rain

So let it rain

Rain on you

pride inclusive flag moving gently

Sleep tonight

And may your dreams be realized

October morning

Sunrise over Cumberland

Are you sinking or surfing?

If you scroll through my blog posts by date, you can get a glimpse into the ebb and flow of how I experience Bipolar II Disorder. Merely looking at the months with no posts reminds me of my darkest days. I am sure if I looked deeper, that I would see how the quantity of posts each month are directly correlated to my shift in mood.

My waves are not rhythmical in the sense that there is not a pattern of duration or time of year. Sometimes there is a storm and the waves come in quick and fast and other times the seas are calm with gently rolling peeks.

I experience depression as a gradual decline that can last one month or half a year. My swings upward that can go into hypomania tend to have a shorter duration than the low points yet also have a varying duration of time.

As I write this, I am listening to my Morning Writing Time playlist and Fight Song by Rachel Platten plays. In case haven’t read any of my other blogs, I have a spiritual connection with music and songs that show up in my life are more than timely.

Like a small boat
On the ocean
Sending big waves
Into motion
Like how a single word
Can make a heart open
I might only have one match
But I can make an explosion

This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I’m alright song
My power’s turned on
Starting right now I’ll be strong (I’ll be strong)
I’ll play my fight song
And I don’t really care if nobody else believes
‘Cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me

Rachel Platten, Fight Song

My youngest child was online for her OCD therapy session yesterday and she asked if she had ever been on a roller coaster, looking for a metaphor as a method for engaging in ERP therapy. I thought about her experience in a wave pool and how it pulled her under but she came back up. And from that, we found an analogy for her to use.

With ERP, Exposure Response Prevention therapy you sit with the uncomfortable feeling rather than engaging in the compulsion in order to retrain you brain to realize nothing terrible will happen despite the obsessive thought that it is a life or death situation. Having a method for riding out the anxiety with a change in thought pattern rather than a compulsive action or aversion response is the key to overcoming OCD. Her therapist suggested she picture the rope in the wave pool that you can hold on to in order to ride out the waves. Holding on to the rope knowing the rope will keep her from going under and that the waves will eventually cease or diminish.

I have used this same analogy of water when I speak about the depression I experience. It can feel like waves crashing and pulling you under. I bob up from the water long enough to catch my breath yet I am pulled under once again. Sometimes I can even hold onto a life raft for a while yet I still feel stranded in the middle of the ocean. At times, I can see the shore and can swim close to it but not quite reach it and other times land is no where in sight.

I wash up on shore often by chance or because I was able to swim in that direction and can stand up and dance on the beach. I enjoy the beach and soak in the sun and enjoy the splashing of water on my feet. I step into the ocean to feel the waves crash against me enjoying the thrill and then walk back to shore and off the beach to explore the boardwalk.

I can return to the beach and enjoy the water and splash in the waves but I never know when a wave will pull me under and how long I will struggle against the current and if I will be able to swim back to shore or slowly wash up on the beach again.

I am at the point in my journey with overcoming and managing this condition that exists within my body, where I am able to step back and see the process and how it has manifested in my life. I choose to not call myself, bipolar, because I am not my disorder and neither are you! The other aspect I am working on is not stating, “I suffer with bipolar II disorder”. Declaring to the universe that “I suffer” only created more suffering.

Riding the waves is part of life for all of us and is exaggerated with depression and bipolar disorder as well as many other conditions.

I close out this year with the intention to embrace the ebb and flow of life. I choose to pay attention when I am surfing on top of a powerful wave so that I do not ride so far out into the ocean that I lose sight of the shore. I will remind myself when I feel the water pulling me under to turn over and float on my back and not resist the current because that will only bring me further under.

My wish for everyone is to find their own balance between sinking and surfing.

Communication

My husband and I have a business together, Focused Healthy Family. We empower parents to be the best versions of themselves to best help their children grow. Our philosophy centers around: Consciousness, Collaboration and Respect.

Communication is the key to any relationship and as parents we often see first hand how our responses affect our children’s behavior. Our workshops on communication are one aspect of our program.

We facilitate Parent Communication Workshops based on the book: How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk.

I love this book because it takes positive, mindful parenting philosophy and gives you concrete skills you can learn and practice in a simple one step format. The workshop is designed for 6 weeks with 2 hour sessions. We have recently converted it to 1 hour sessions, twice a week for 6 weeks. We had parents who said taking 2 hours was difficult to do either due to caring for kids, having only one parent in the house or just busy life.

The book has 7 chapters and the first six are the six areas addressed. They include:

• Helping Children Deal with Their feelings
• Engaging Cooperation
• Alternatives to Punishment
• Encouraging Autonomy
• Praise
• Freeing Children from Playing Roles (labels)

The great thing about this workshop and the information learned is that these skills apply to communication with all relationships from our friends, parents, co-workers and everyone!

I was recently talking to an adult family member and really thought about what I was saying, making a concerted effort to really listen and acknowledge their feelings. Afterwards, I realized that because I was able to do this, this person was able to really open up to me and likely shared things they might not otherwise have said. It helped me understand them better and the issue and I would like to think it helped them to process some things they might not have been overtly thinking about.

What better way to start the new year than by improving your communication skills.

Join us for our upcoming workshop

• Starting Jan 11 @ 12 pm EST
• Tuesdays and Thursdays
• 6 week interactive workshop
• Live on zoom

www.focusedhealthyfamily.com/workshops