Embarking on a New Journey: Positive Intelligence

I have embarked on a new program with the wonderful women from my Restart group.

I am investing my time and energy into this program in order to….

I am at a loss for words.

Why am i participating in this program?

I see how I have sabotaged myself in pursuing what matters most to me.

I see how negative mindset and old patterns stop me from moving forward.

I made connections with 5 amazing women and want to strengthen the relationships and have an avenue for support.

I believe in gathering as many tools as I can to help me navigate my journey.

Life has thrown a lot of sh… challenges my way and it is time for me to fully step into my divine and take back my power!

The concepts in the Positive Intelligence Program are familiar to me.

We have saboteurs that were developed in childhood to help us survive.

Yet, they are no longer needed in our adult lives and we need to first identify the aspects of these old coping strategies that no longer serve us.

Shirzad Chamine, the author of the book and creator of the program, labels our lead saboteur as our Judge.

We judge ourselves and we judge others. There are 10 additional saboteurs and he provides an assessment to determine what other factors are at play.

I have learned that the Victim, Pleaser and Avoider are next after my Judge Saboteur.

He says there is one main saboteur after the lead Judge.

When I took the assessment, the scores for all three were equal.

What does all of this mean?

It means I am recognizing the factors that are having a negative impact on my life. I am learning new skills to shift my brain away from victim, avoider, and pleaser consciousness and into my sage, as Shirzad labels our higher self, our inner wisdom.

Participating in a program like this with other people helps me to be accountable.

We set goals and check in with each other daily. Yet, it is far more than a goal setting program.

Depression has reared its ugly head in my life once again.

I see how my Avoider stops me from taking action and my Victim leaves me feeling hopeless and defeated. Yet, I find myself trying to seek reassurance and approval from others, my Pleaser saboteur.

I listen to the lyrics of Soul Asylum, Runaway Train, and feel the depths of my depression.

I hear A Great Big World tell me, “You’ll Be Okay”

You’ll be okay
You’ll be okay
The sun will rise
To better days

And change will come

It’s on it’s way

Just close your eyes

And let it rain

A Great Big World

And my all time favorite song reminds me to take back my power

Well, I won’t back down
No I won’t back down
You could stand me up at the gates of Hell
But I won’t back down

No I’ll stand my ground
Won’t be turned around
And I’ll keep this world from draggin’ me down
Gonna stand my ground
And I won’t back down

Tom Petty

Cuatro De Mayo

May 4, 2011

The day of my husband’s rebirth

A second chance at life

Restarted his heart after being in ventricular tachycardia, fatal heart rhythm

He left the house that evening, his face dark blue

I called my mom to tell her I needed her to drive to Charlotte

Because I did not know if my husband would be alive when I arrived at the hospital

My dear friend, Lea, came to my rescue to support me an my kids and drive us to the hospital

The wonderful medics who stayed behind and recommended I call a friend

My children: ages 2, 9, and 13

Too young to lose their father

We all have a different perspective of the memory of the day

My youngest has only the stories she has been told

It was a Wednesday, a homeschool park day

We returned home around 5 pm

My husband was mowing the yard when we arrived home and I was annoyed that he had waited so long to get out and mow the lawn

I was tired and went upstairs to rest on my bed

My 13 year old son came up to tell me that,

“Dad isn’t feeling good. I think you need to come downstairs”

He was insistent

My husband was complaining of upper back pain

He hurt his back again….

The pain radiated up his right shoulder and to his neck

He was lying down on the couch and I scrambled around to locate my blood pressure cuff

His right arm was cold and clamy

It took a minute for all of this to register in my brain

As an Occupational Therapist of nearly 20 years, I had taken many CPR classes

Maybe I was thrown off initially because it was the right arm and not the left

Or maybe just the fact that we had no idea my husband was experiencing heart disease

No history of high blood pressure, no smoking ever, rarely did he have alchohol

I had brought healthy eating into his life when we married in 1994

We had been vegetarians for a number of years

Don’t be fooled by the myth that red meat and fats contribute to heart disease

If you are curious

Research the inflammatory effects of refined oils, sugars and grains

We arrived at the hospital somewhere around 7pm and waited in a dark empty waiting room for 3 hours

Lea had change and bought peanut butter crackers from the vending machine to feed my kids

Two of my kids were eating gluten free yet we decided that eating was more important than avoiding gluten

My nine year old had been dealing with severe OCD for the past year

American Idol was on the television in the waiting room

We had been watching this show together as a family and somoe of my kids found conformt in having the show on as we waited

Lea provided the common sense and calm I needed

When we had waited for over 2 1/2 hours and I wondered what was going on

She suggested that I call the front desk to find out information

They told me he was in recovery and a nurse would come speak to me soon

As I recall this day, I can feel the anxious anticipation of waiting to talk to someone

And when the nurse walked me to his room

I wondered what condition he would be in

He had been deprived of oxygen and for how long I did not know

I worked in brain injury rehabilitation and knew that brain damage from oxygen deprivation was a very real possibility

We arrived at his room in in the CCU and he made a joke

I don’t remember what he said, but hearing his sense of humor, told me he was ok

I was the only one who got to see him that night

The kids would have to wait until the next day

And a wonderful nurse made an exception to allow the kids into the CCU to see their dad

I told them it was essential for my husband’s recovery to see his kids

It was a long 12 days that he spent in the hospital

The following are excerpts from my Facebook feed:

please pray for Don, he had a heart attack and is in the hospital at Presby Main. All here right now. He’s in cath lab. Talked to nurse waiting to hear from doctor.

Don is stable. waiting to go see him

My husband chose to celebrate this day as his rebirth.

And we named it Cuatro de Mayo

And fittingly many celebrate this day as:

May the Fourth

May the fourth be with you