sharing my life experiences, reflections and insights as a mother, a writer, an Occupational Therapist and and a spiritual being having a human experience

Posts tagged ‘music’

500 Words, Day 2

Following through

I am great at starting new projects, making new goals, having new ideas yet following through consistently has been a challenge for me in the past.  It is 10pm and I remembered a few hours ago about writing daily and here I am.  It feels forced but I know that is part of the process. It doesn’t really matter what I write, I am making daily writing a habit and I have chosen to do so on my blog because that is my goal, regular blog writing.

I am reminding myself that it doesn’t matter if I don’t know what to say or am so tired that I really don’t want to say anything.  I need to just write something, anything even if it is just rambling about not knowing what to say.  It makes it feel less ominous to give myself permission to just ramble on about nothing.  Yet, I know when I begin to type, thoughts come to me and ideas doe writing emerge. Maybe not every time, and that is ok, sometimes I will just ramble and other times ideas will come. I think the key is making daily writing a habit and once it is, the rest will follow.  I hope so.

Yes, I still doubt myself. I question my ability as a writer. I question that this really is my path. I don’t have formal training in writing. I did not get a journalism degree. Heck, I didn’t even participate in any kind of newspaper or writing extracurricular activity in high school or college. All I have is years of journaling since the age of 10 and the ability to open and read every single one of those journals.  I kept all of them.  Most of them are in my closet and easily accessible.  Many are on notebooks likely in a few different locations in my home but could be found and put in order.

Wow, what a project that would be. Locate all sources of journals I have created in my life and put them all on one shelf in chronological order.

A life line

A written record of my inner thoughts and feelings

48 or 38 years, since I began my first “ diary” at age 10,

38 years of internal records

progress already

ideas coming to me as I write

and yet, my daughter needs my help and I’m only at 395 words

part of my struggle

is balancing my favorite job, role, that of being a mother

being present for my children

AND making time to write

balance

balancING

BALANCING

now I am wondering about spell check  will it let me know when I misspell words and how do I turn that feature on

my goal is writing and they said “no editing, just write”

but it bothers me if I spell things wrong

balance

balancing writing AND being a mother AND working as an OT AND pursuing new opportunities to grow a business along with my husband, Don, AND exercising AND taking care of my health….

AND, AND, AND…

BALANCE

 

 

Advertisements

I Will Be OK 

Songs can bring me out of my darkest times if only for a moment. Sometimes all I need is that moment to propel myself forward out of my stuck place.

You’ll be okayYou’ll be okay

The sun will rise

To better days
And change will come

It’s on it’s way

Just close your eyes

And let it rain
‘Cause you’re never alone

I will always be there

You just carry on

You will understand
You’ll be okay

You’ll be okay

Just look inside

You know the way
Let it go

Fly away

And say goodbye

To yesterday
‘Cause you’re never alone

And I will always be there

You just carry on

You will understand
And I will be strong

When love is gone

I’ll carry on…
You’ll be okay

You’ll be okay

The sun will rise

To better days
You’ll be okay

You’ll be okay

Just close your eyes

And let it rain
When you need it the most

And all you’ve got is a prayer

You must carry on

You will understand

You will understand

You will understand
You’ll be okay

You’ll be okay

You’ll be okay.
Thank you once again to: A Great Big World

I was so fortunate to hear you live when you opened for Phillip Phillips and Matt Nathanson.

Such a wonderful experience taking my daughter to her first concert. And one of my favorite opening bands of all time that I first discovered at the concert. You have such meaningful lyrics that are simple yet powerful as well as such an upbeat soul to your sound that brings me much joy. Your music has been what I have needed most in such a difficult time in my life. How ironic because I took my daughter to hear Phillip Phillips because of how powerful his music was for us in her most difficult time in her life. I know it helped me through the pain. And it formed a bond between my daughter and myself.

And thanks once again  to A to Z Lyrics for making it so easy to find the full lyrics.

What is a 7 letter word for: A Modern-day Teenage Necessity ?

Today I am quoting one of my favorite song writers, David Wilcox.

From his album Big Horizon, That’s What the Lonely is For:

The depth of your dreams, the height of your wishes
The length of your vision to see, the hope of your heart

Is much bigger than this

For it’s made out of what might be

Now picture your hope, your heart’s desire –
As a castle that you must keepIn all of its splendor, it’s drafty with lonely

This heart is too hard to heat


When I get lonely ah, that’s only a sign
Some room is empty, and that room is there by design
If I feel hollow – that’s just my proof that there’s more
For me to follow – that’s what the lonely is for

But, you can seal up the pain, build walls in the hallways
Close off a small room to live in
But those walls will remain, and keep you there always
And you’ll never know why you were given…

why you were given the lonely

When I am in a slump, music can lift me up and pull me out.  I have always been inspired by music and have sought relief from the challenges of life with music.

Did I grow up in a musical family?

Not exactly.  My mother liked to sing and I grew up listening to her albums played on our stereo, on the turn table.  …Barry Manilow, John Denver, Glenn Campbell, and Neil Diamond…to name a few…the ones that I remember most.

My mother sang in the church folk group and she took guitar lessons for a short period of time ( Right, mom?) but the guitar wound up in my sister’s hands who learned to play it as well as singing in the church folk group.

Childhood Singing and the Recessive Gene

I enjoyed singing as a child but in 7th or 8th grade I had a music teacher who graded us on if we could sing on key or not…and well, he embarrassed me in front of my entire class making the accusation that because I was Italian, I should be able to sing on key.  Apparently, I inherited the recessive gene for singing pitch and so I got a lower grade and the humiliation of the announcement to my teen peers that I was not living up to my heritage.

Yet, I sing anyway…sort of…

I love to sing along to songs, but I rarely do so where I can be easily heard by others.  I will sing in my back yard and created my own versions of songs. My children have never minding my singing.  Well….as toddlers they loved me singing to them but my two older children no longer enjoy my made-up songs.  My daughter rolls her eyes at me sometimes and my son who got the Italian gene , lets me know that I am off-key in his subtle or not so subtle way.

Early Introduction to Instruments

My parents encouraged us with music, allowing us to pick an instrument to play as part of the 4th grade program at the elementary school.  The school provided a day to try out the instruments and I was allowed to choose which one I wanted to learn, just not the drums- too loud, or the saxophone- too expensive.  I tried out the trumpet, the flute and the clarinet.  I could actually play notes on the clarinet, and so being an efficient person, I choose the clarinet.

Labeled….”bando”

We lived in Bethel Park, a suburb of Pittsburgh, PA when I was in 4th grade and they had a great music program.   It was cool to be in the band.  I did well, although probably not as well as my older sister who seamed to excel at everything.  And then just before the start of 7th grade, we moved to the land of football and basketball…maybe there were less Italians there…because their music program lagged in comparison and so I was playing much easier music than my previous school in a much smaller band.  Before, it seamed all my friends were in band, and now I was a “bando” and could only make friends with other “bandos”.

My first purchase, a modern-day teenage necessity…

When I was 15 1/2, I got my first real job.  After securing the necessary work papers required to work at the local restaurant where my sister and friend were working, I began my official working career as a bus-girl at Franklin’s Family Restaurant in Whitehall, Pa.    My very first pay check, what was left of it after the government took their share, went to the purchase of a modern-day teenage necessity….a boom box, complete with cassette player and detachable speakers.  Seriously, people, I don’t hide my age…this was 1985.  I still had this radio until it died a few years ago.  It was sad parting with it….wish I had kept it.  Maybe I could have gutted it like my dad did with our old TV cabinet.  I could have created an over-sized storage space for my MP3 player  and my JVC “walkman” – it still works!

Real Stereo Sound and Real Music

Realize that this was a huge upgrade from the radio my parents had bought for me years before that had only one speaker, yes, lacking stereo sound…no wonder I had difficulty singing on pitch.  As my now teenage son pointed out to me, now having only one speaker does not mean the lack of stereo sound but back in 1985, it did.

I was thrilled with my purchase and added to my cassette collection with the sounds of Billy Joel, Michael Jackson, The Pretenders, Yes and ZZ Top, to name a few of my purchases.  I liked a variety.  My love of classic rock would come later, in part from hearing my sisters albums and later my brothers “hair bands” like Poison and Def Leppord.    And I still love this music.  Thank you Wiz at 106.5 for Resurrection Sunday!

What does this have to do with David Wilcox’s lyrics?

A few minutes ago, I thought I had strayed off course with my post.  Now, I see that the lonely place I have been in was a reflection of missing parts of my life, rooms that have been hidden or dusty.  Sharing pieces of my past is a way for me to open these rooms in my castle.  In order for others to learn more about me, and for me to confront myself and what is important to me.

I had no desire to write today….

I left my house today to escape- to get away- and be in a place for a few hours where I only had to worry about myself.  I had no ambition to write but knew that I needed to get out because I have been in this place before and have been able to pull myself out of a slump by taking time for me.

And so, I have been here at my computer at my favorite food and wi-fi spot listening to ….”We Can Work It Out”,  “Closer to Fine”, “This We Know”, “I Have a Dream”, “A Place in the World”, “Finally Found a Home”, “Galileo”, “Forever Young”, Let’s Get Real”, and “Give Peace a Chance”… a few of the songs on my Writing Inspiration Playlist.

Listening to this music has been part of my writing time ritual.  Once again, it has achieved its purpose, refocusing my frame of mind.

Today, it has been a start

A start into digging deeper

Into my own loneliness

And discovering the meaning

That is missing in my life

I must remember that it begins with music….