sharing my life experiences, reflections and insights as a mother, a writer, an Occupational Therapist and and a spiritual being having a human experience

Posts tagged ‘perspective’

Jumping with Jason,right here and now while he is 2

Before the holidays, my friends on my Facebook Homeschool Group shared information about a Groupon for a new Jump place that was opening and they planned to attend the first week of January.  I went to the site and saw pictures of giant padded sided trampolines and learned there was a separate area for younger kids.  I knew my younger two would like it and maybe my oldest.  I bought three Groupons.

My daughter came down with the coughing crud I had before Christmas and wasn’t up to jumping today and my oldest wasn’t interested, he is a jump alone kind of guy.

And so, Jason, my almost three-year old (his birthday is 4 days from today), and I headed out alone to drive across town to go jumping.  Well, I had a ticket for him and not me, hadn’t even thought about if I could get a ticket but had assumed his sister would be jumping with him when I got the Groupons.

As usual he was slow to warm up and despite being only one of two kids- the other was my friend’s son that he knows even though they don’t interact much yet- and it took him time before he would try.  I sat on the edge and even walked on the trampoline surface with him- as you can walk right up to it at the same level, but was told by the nice attending employee that due to liability, I wasn’t allowed on the trampoline surface but she got her manager and they had me sign a waiver and get a red arm band and I then got to join him (at no charge- shh,not sure if that is the policy)!

He still didn’t like the girl who was working there and wanted her to leave which he expresses well for a 2-year-old and then other kids came to the area and he doesn’t like people he doesn’t know.

Then we jumped into the foam pit and luckily there was no one else around at first because he got to stay in the foam pit which he loved.  He was sad when we had to get out of the foam pit to let others jump into it but I convinced him to go to the other area that was just trampoline space and we began jumping!

It was frustrating when we were there with just my friend and her son and he wouldn’t try it, yet all my children have been “slow to warm up” kids.  Sometimes with Jason, it takes him until it is time to go home.   That is always sad and challenging to have him riding in the car home saying “I want to swim” or “I want to get my hair cut”.

It was so great that I got to join him today.  It was fun and took his mind off all the other people, who he usually calls “evil” and describes how he will knock them down or put fire on them.   The only other kids about his age were also jumping with a parent which was good to see.

I think we push kids away from us before they are ready and miss opportunities to spend time with them when they are small and want to be with us.  Trust me, it doesn’t last.  Sure, I am very close to my older two children and we spent a lot of time together but there is nothing like the love of a toddler who wants to marry you and live with you forever.  I guess I like my kids when they are in the “need mommy” stages.  It seams simpler to help them when they are young or even ill and just want to sit with mom.  I know I appreciate my youngest as a toddler more than my older two because my older two are 9 and 14.  Even though, he is my most challenging toddler!

He used to want to be big like his sister and brother but lately has been telling me he wants to stay “wittle” and stay with me.  I am happy to hear this.  I tell him he can live with me forever and he will be little for a long time.  It is good to enjoy being little and each and every age of our children because it all passes….and too quickly.

A good reminder to me for sure because I have my days when I wonder why I had more than one child or long for the day when they are all out of the house.  But not really.  Life can be crazy and noisy and out-of-order at my house, but I do like having children and three of them.  I still wish I had four because it would be more even but that didn’t happen and instead  we somehow  have a dog instead (I am so very much a cat person) and so she is number four.

Now,I need to find a way to remind myself of this every day and especially during the really challenging times.  This makes for a good New Year’s Resolution.  To remember how much I love having kids and to remember that they will soon be 3, 10 and 15……and then 18, 25 and 30!  Enjoy them for who they are right here and now.

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May 26- June 5…life after my husband’s heart attack

My husband has been home for 10 days now after 12 days in the hospital.  We are beginning to recreate our life and learning to live with his medications and advocating for him and for resources.

Ten days have passed since I began this post. Life is busy doesn’t even come close to describing the past three weeks since Don came home from the hospital. it bothers me that I haven’t blogged more but I will let go and move forward.

We are busy with regular life activities like homeschool field trips and events, birthday and pool parties, doctor visits, grocery shopping (my last trip to Trader Joes, the clerk, seeing my over stuffed cart asked “How long has it been since you’ve been grocery shopping?” ~ and I replied honestly “3 weeks!”) too name a few activities. And we are busy with irregular life activities like reviewing our health insurance policy so we can let the company know what they need to pay for, and adjusting to Dons altered life with prescription medications and regular cardiologist visits, home health visits and planning for cardiac rehab.

Through all of this, I have gained a new appreciation for women with husbands who are either gone working all the time and/ or husbands who do very little around the house and in caring for the kids. I knew Don did more than most husbands and fathers but I have an even greater appreciation for all he has done and slowly gets back to doing. The sight of my husband sitting in a recliner chair with a lap top is one I am still getting used to. Don is not known for sitting still and is the kind of guy who needs to be told to just sit and relax. Before his heart attack, he was always busy either taking care of his kids, our home, our pets, or busy with finding work, working on his business and growing new business and prepping for the class’s he teaches.

Our thirteen year old son took over his job of finishing the kitchen clean up, running the dishwashwer and washing dishes each night before going to sleep. I had to let him know it was ok if he didn’t get it all done. (I must add that he voluntarily took up is task without any discussion.) Whenever I go to work, I don’t have to tell my husband what needs to be done. He knows and does it, from feeding kids to helping them with homeschool tasks to laundry and cleaning And pet care. Our family and close friends all know that Don is the cleaner in the house and I would much rather be outside doing yard work than cleaning the house. It is ironic that Don had a heart attack while moving the grass. I used to love mowing the yard. Don, not so much.

I am getting lost in small details of the past there weeks. I really want to give a big picture description of how my life, how our life has changed. Yet, the details of day to day life make it harder to step back and share that greater perspective that came so easily to me right after his heart attack and for the 12 days he was in the hospital when I saw angels and miracles all around me.

Life was simpler while he was in the hospital. I was either at the hospital taking care of him or at home taking care of my kids. And somewhere in there taking care of myself, something I began to pay more attention to after the effects of little food and sleep took it’s toll on me. I have no desire to move back in time. Only forward. I am glad that part is behind me and in retrospect, I don’t know how I did all that I did Especially the first day. Adrenaline is powerful and helps you do things you never thought possible. when I talk to friends now about Dons heart attack and al that ensued when it happened, they ask me how I did it and wasn’t I an emotional mess. I too would think I would have been crying uncontrollably or out of my mind in some format. Somehow, I was able to think clearly and know what my kids needed and wait patiently and calmly. It is surreal to Think about it now. I recall waking up a day or two after it happened wondering if it was all a bad dream.

When I look at my husband now, I feel like it is a miracle that he is here. I know that it is a miracle, a medical and metaphysical miracle that kept him alive here on earth. I know that he and I have big things to do with our lives and I am grateful that we can continue our journey together.

Nothing else really matters in life but love. Family, friends, relationships, God; all are other words for love