I am great at starting new projects, making new goals, having new ideas yet following through consistently has been a challenge for me in the past. It is 10pm and I remembered a few hours ago about writing daily and here I am. It feels forced but I know that is part of the process. It doesn’t really matter what I write, I am making daily writing a habit and I have chosen to do so on my blog because that is my goal, regular blog writing.
I am reminding myself that it doesn’t matter if I don’t know what to say or am so tired that I really don’t want to say anything. I need to just write something, anything even if it is just rambling about not knowing what to say. It makes it feel less ominous to give myself permission to just ramble on about nothing. Yet, I know when I begin to type, thoughts come to me and ideas doe writing emerge. Maybe not every time, and that is ok, sometimes I will just ramble and other times ideas will come. I think the key is making daily writing a habit and once it is, the rest will follow. I hope so.
Yes, I still doubt myself. I question my ability as a writer. I question that this really is my path. I don’t have formal training in writing. I did not get a journalism degree. Heck, I didn’t even participate in any kind of newspaper or writing extracurricular activity in high school or college. All I have is years of journaling since the age of 10 and the ability to open and read every single one of those journals. I kept all of them. Most of them are in my closet and easily accessible. Many are on notebooks likely in a few different locations in my home but could be found and put in order.
Wow, what a project that would be. Locate all sources of journals I have created in my life and put them all on one shelf in chronological order.
A life line
A written record of my inner thoughts and feelings
48 or 38 years, since I began my first “ diary” at age 10,
38 years of internal records
ideas coming to me as I write
and yet, my daughter needs my help and I’m only at 395 words
part of my struggle
is balancing my favorite job, role, that of being a mother
being present for my children
AND making time to write
now I am wondering about spell check will it let me know when I misspell words and how do I turn that feature on
my goal is writing and they said “no editing, just write”
but it bothers me if I spell things wrong
balancing writing AND being a mother AND working as an OT AND pursuing new opportunities to grow a business along with my husband, Don, AND exercising AND taking care of my health….
AND, AND, AND…