I went to a new psychiatrist today. This is my third psychiatrist in 2 1/2 years. I have not been happy with the psychiatrists I have seen. I have been disillusioned by the majority of the mental health community that I have encountered for myself and my children.
Today, I went to my appointment with a plan to be completely honest.
Refreshingly, the psychiatrist asked what brought me in today and I spoke frankly with her and she was real. She listened to what I said and spoke to my questions respectfully and authentically.
I decided quickly that I liked her.
She did not know what EFT was but she initiated asking me about it. She heard my perspective of my experience of depression and respected that I felt it was bipolar depression. She stated she was going to keep the major depressive disorder diagnosis for now, not sure why, but whatever, it does not really matter. She did understand Bioplar 2 and spoke clearly about it and asked specific questions about my experience.
I felt heard.
After the appointment, I thought about the law of attraction.
I was ready to be honest with the doctor and also wanted to be heard and that is what I experienced.
When I was depressed and sought a psychiatrist, I found one in an old building with no working air conditioning and so she ran a fan which affected my ability to hear her confounded by her soft voice, accent, and my hearing loss. And she only accepted cash payment, very inconvenient for me to have to have cash on me. I don’t have a local bank and so finding an fee free ATM is a challenge. Last thing I need when I am depressed is more challenges, hurdles, to going to the doctor that I most need to see.
When I was hypomania, bordering on manic, I saw a psychiatrist who although very open to alternative therapies and resources, was easily distracted and lacked focus.
Something very funny about all of this.
The law of attraction is powerful.
I also worked today, at my newest job. The job where I feel like a queen in a palace. Quite an unusual feeling for me at work. I worked longer than I had told them I could work, but it worked out ok because the reason I had to leave early changed, an appointment I was supposed to have in the afternoon got canceled.
I have put in many hours at this new job and am happy to do so. I am getting the best pay rate at this new job, the best and the first time I have had a true increase in pay in over 20 years. Crazy, huh? No, I work in health care.
I went to get a massage today. A good friend offered a special on massages this month, 90 minutes for the price of 60minutes. I couldn’t pass it up, an opportunity to support her, get a great massage, and see my dear friend who I have not seen in a while.
I think I am now clearing toxins.
I feel like I need to exercise or something.
Maybe it is the fact that my husband, Don, and I are speaking in just 3 days and I am beginning to feel the panic of do I really know what I am doing speaking to a group of people about parenting?
This Panera closes too early, 9pm. I am used to the Panera that is open until 10pm. They are cleaning the floor already at 8:30 and out of 2 kinds of tea. I got prickly pear and don’t like it.
That state of being agitated and bored and edgy yet uncertain
Not knowing what is going to happen next and ready to move forward
To move out of this feeling of unhappiness
Was I feeling unhappy?
life has been wonderful lately
Yet, a part of me is grieving
Grieving a loss
My life is about to change
Change in a good way
And yet, a change is still change and loss
Does change have to be loss?
No, yet it is a loss of the way life was…
And the way it was… despite the challenges, was familiar
I am entering into unfamiliar territory
I started 2 new jobs for 2 new companies recently
I lost my hours at a job I had been at for 8 years
They are choosing not to use me and also have changed policy so that even if they choose to use me, there would not be many hours for me
A song by Queen plays as I write
Yet, body language is such a perfect image
For change, speaking to people
Not exactly the way Freddie sings about body language…
The way we communicate with each other
Communication includes how we say what we say
The three tenants of collaborative, conscious parenting
Moving through the restless discontent
The only way out of the mud, is through the mud…
Diving in deep
Deep into the mud
And Journey sings…
Workin’ hard to get my fill
Everybody wants a thrill
Payin’ anything to roll the dice just one more time
Some will win, some will lose
Some were born to sing the blues
Oh, the movie never ends
It goes on and on, and on, and on
Don’t stop believin’
Hold on to that feelin’