My husband has been home for 10 days now after 12 days in the hospital. We are beginning to recreate our life and learning to live with his medications and advocating for him and for resources.
Ten days have passed since I began this post. Life is busy doesn’t even come close to describing the past three weeks since Don came home from the hospital. it bothers me that I haven’t blogged more but I will let go and move forward.
We are busy with regular life activities like homeschool field trips and events, birthday and pool parties, doctor visits, grocery shopping (my last trip to Trader Joes, the clerk, seeing my over stuffed cart asked “How long has it been since you’ve been grocery shopping?” ~ and I replied honestly “3 weeks!”) too name a few activities. And we are busy with irregular life activities like reviewing our health insurance policy so we can let the company know what they need to pay for, and adjusting to Dons altered life with prescription medications and regular cardiologist visits, home health visits and planning for cardiac rehab.
Through all of this, I have gained a new appreciation for women with husbands who are either gone working all the time and/ or husbands who do very little around the house and in caring for the kids. I knew Don did more than most husbands and fathers but I have an even greater appreciation for all he has done and slowly gets back to doing. The sight of my husband sitting in a recliner chair with a lap top is one I am still getting used to. Don is not known for sitting still and is the kind of guy who needs to be told to just sit and relax. Before his heart attack, he was always busy either taking care of his kids, our home, our pets, or busy with finding work, working on his business and growing new business and prepping for the class’s he teaches.
Our thirteen year old son took over his job of finishing the kitchen clean up, running the dishwashwer and washing dishes each night before going to sleep. I had to let him know it was ok if he didn’t get it all done. (I must add that he voluntarily took up is task without any discussion.) Whenever I go to work, I don’t have to tell my husband what needs to be done. He knows and does it, from feeding kids to helping them with homeschool tasks to laundry and cleaning And pet care. Our family and close friends all know that Don is the cleaner in the house and I would much rather be outside doing yard work than cleaning the house. It is ironic that Don had a heart attack while moving the grass. I used to love mowing the yard. Don, not so much.
I am getting lost in small details of the past there weeks. I really want to give a big picture description of how my life, how our life has changed. Yet, the details of day to day life make it harder to step back and share that greater perspective that came so easily to me right after his heart attack and for the 12 days he was in the hospital when I saw angels and miracles all around me.
Life was simpler while he was in the hospital. I was either at the hospital taking care of him or at home taking care of my kids. And somewhere in there taking care of myself, something I began to pay more attention to after the effects of little food and sleep took it’s toll on me. I have no desire to move back in time. Only forward. I am glad that part is behind me and in retrospect, I don’t know how I did all that I did Especially the first day. Adrenaline is powerful and helps you do things you never thought possible. when I talk to friends now about Dons heart attack and al that ensued when it happened, they ask me how I did it and wasn’t I an emotional mess. I too would think I would have been crying uncontrollably or out of my mind in some format. Somehow, I was able to think clearly and know what my kids needed and wait patiently and calmly. It is surreal to Think about it now. I recall waking up a day or two after it happened wondering if it was all a bad dream.
When I look at my husband now, I feel like it is a miracle that he is here. I know that it is a miracle, a medical and metaphysical miracle that kept him alive here on earth. I know that he and I have big things to do with our lives and I am grateful that we can continue our journey together.
Nothing else really matters in life but love. Family, friends, relationships, God; all are other words for love