sharing my life experiences, reflections and insights as a mother, a writer, an Occupational Therapist, an unschooler, and and a spiritual being having a human experience

I sleep maybe 2 or 3 hours and then lay there with so many things going through my mind so I get up to get something done because there are many things to do.

Wednesday, less than one week ago, May 4,2011, my 52 year old husband of almost 17 years had a sudden unexpected major heart attack. 911, cardiac arrest at home, with Thank God, the medics at our house before he arrested.

Just thinking about it again puts my stomach in knots and my body’s anxiety response is to send everything out the other end!  This was not helpful when I arrived at the ER, having left about 15 minutes after the ambulance did as I waited on a friend to take me and my three children, ages 2, 9 and 13, and I had to run to the bathroom before I even asked about my husband at the front desk.  Not a time to be regular.

It is May 10 as I write this very early in am. and after he barely survived and then had 2 stints placed in fully blocked cornary arteries and finally getting out of CCU the other day, he will be going to the Cath Lab again this morning sometime to have one more stint placed in an artery that is about 75% blocked. And once again I am scared #%$#…. less.

It feels so good to write about this.  I am making myself write this blog and continue to keep blogging because I know I need that.  I always need to write about my life, journal or blog and have been “wanting to” blog more but now I am doing it.  Just have to.

It has been a whirlwind experience that began with shock that left me in a funky adrenaline hyped up state of crazy calm.  I look back on those first hours and wonder why I wasn’t crying my eyes out, I didn’t even cry at all…I think until I was driving back to the CCU the next morning at 5:45am alone in the car with my kids asleep at home with my parents.  Seams crazy every time I think about it.

My husband is my best friend and soul mate and has been since we met over 18 years ago, March of 1993 at a Catholic Singles dinner and night club outing.  We got engaged in November of 1993 and married May 14, 1994.  Almost exactly 17 years ago.  Which is the last time he was in the hospital and only time other than when he was born.  He had some kind of food reaction on our honeymoon while we were on one of the San Juan Islands off the coast of Seattle and because there is no hospital on the island, they helicoptered him to the hospital, leaving me on the island to take the first ferry the next morning to see him.

His brothers had all gotten sick on their wedding, honeymoons and we joked he was just trying to out due them.  His 3 older brothers.

There is so much I need to write about and say and I tremble writing this, wondering if my kids will wake up and nervous because I want them to all be asleep when I have to leave at 6am to drive the 30 minutes to the hospital where he is to be there before he goes back into the Cath Lab.  I know the Cath Lab saved his life and his wonderful Cardiologist (he never had one until this) yet, thinking about going back up to the Cath Lab waiting area makes me cringe.  It’s like bringing it all back again.  And once again,  my body’s anxiety response is to send the %$&* flying out of me.


Comments on: "Scaring the #*% out of me" (6)

  1. Hi Gina. I’m so sorry to hear that you are all going through this terrible experience. Glad that he is in good hands now. You are all in my thoughts. Continue to be the strong and amazing woman you are.!

    • Thank you Sandy! I read your message when you sent it as I can see that on my BB. Don’t get to my lap top very often and hardly at all since Don came home Monday. Thank you for reading my blog…feels good to write about it and to know others read it. Your kind words help keep me going. so good to connect with people from my youth and college days who know me better than many I meet as an adult. 🙂

  2. I can so empathize, Gina. In 2003 my husband of 40+ years arrested as he was being admitted to ICU for possible pneumonia. He spent almost a week in a coma in ICU.

    Sooo close to death.

    Then quad by-pass surgery. Then rehab. But he’s alive, and his heart is still strong.

    We are 100% convinced that God spared his life because he still has work to do in this life. God’s plan for him means staying here a while longer to help others, influence others, encourage others. He tries to do that every day now.

    I’ll be praying for you, the kids, and your dh.

    Jean Hall

  3. It is ok to laugh as you read this. I do:)

  4. […] a quiet house was when my husband was in the hospital and I would wake up around 3 am, because I couldn’t sleep more than 3 hours when he was in the hospital for 12 days, and I would come to my lap top in the kitchen and get a few […]

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