sharing my life experiences, reflections and insights as a mother, a writer, an Occupational Therapist, an unschooler, and and a spiritual being having a human experience

I wrote the first draft of this blog, two weeks ago.  I had forgotten about writing this and even the experience we had just two weeks ago.   Life has been so moment to moment for me lately.   I  have had a particularly  challenging week and so my own blog has helped me to gain insight and perspective.  Here is the post:

I had a success moment last night, so I thought I would share it.

Many months ago (I can’t even remember when I did this,might be over a year ago), I sat down with my older two children individually and asked them what their goals were (in words they understood, one is now 13 and the other 8).  and wrote down what they wanted to work on and made a plan as well as looking at the week.
It was the best connection I had with my 8-year-old (or she might have been 7 at the time, to date with our “home/unschool journey”.  She had many ideas and talked about what she wanted to do.  I wrote it down and we even got books on animals at the library like she wanted and started a notebook for her like she asked for.  I think we met again one more time but then life got in the way…
Her issues snowballed into full-blown ocd last spring and my youngest became more active as he got closer to two years….
Then I  hurt my back New Year’s eve and pain sure brings perspective.
I was “out of it” for 2 weeks, at home but taking 600 mg of ibuprofen every day (and I almost never take pain medication) and laying down most of the time because standing and sitting were too painful.  I had a lot of thinking time.    Once I felt better,  I really wanted to sit down with each child and look at our week.  For the past 4 months or so, I’ve been working nearly every weekend, usually Sat and Sun and so when I get home, I am tired and we eat and then its time to start bedtime routine.
So I seized the opportunity before I went back to work and sat down with each child again on a Sunday.  My husband and I talked some first, looking at our calendars, something we used to do often but have not been doing for way too long despite both of us bringing it up saying we wanted to.  And then I went in the basement with my 13-year-old.
He opened up and shared his frustrations.  Something he has not had much of a chance to do but has needed to with  how the past year has been with me watching a toddler and caring for my  8-year-old daughter who has OCD.  And I wrote some of what we talked about as far as a plan of our days and what he wanted to work on.    And after about a half hour, my toddler needed mommy and he came down with us but we were able to continue talking for a bit longer.
And then I had time with my daughter while she played solitaire.  I think she needed that to help her concentrate and keep the OCD thoughts at bay.  And it was good.
Now this is after me bringing up this idea  just before dinner and her getting mad and resisting all my ideas, saying she wanted to play cards.  Despite my efforts to point out how this has been helpful to both her and us in the past, she resisted  and kept interrupting me.  I got mad, but appropriately expressed it!  (big for me) I let her know how I felt and why I was upset and how important I felt this was for all of us.
So after we talked, she was doing the best she has in a while!!!!!!!!
So despite her initial resistance, I needed to stay strong but kind and calm and keep on and in the long run(as in that same day), it helped her!  And i saw it that evening….she was talking on and on as we got ready for bed and playing with her younger brother.   a sure  sign of how well she was doing, with the OCD, she gets stuck and is in this angry, stuck place where she resists getting ready for bed and needs to wash her hands but doesn’t want to, but has too….and on and on and on…
So this was huge, to see her talking and talking like she used to and happy!
And I looked at my husband and despite his desire for quiet time in the evening, I said just enough, to keep him from stopping her from her enthusiasm and loud playfulness.   She also showed  her little brother how to brush his teeth.  Another good sign, because usually she freaks out if he comes in the bathroom with her when she is brushing her teeth.
We now really know, we can not “hush” her when we want quiet, because it can hush her spirit, and that is not good.    As I type this and think about this, it was just last night, it feels like a miracle with all we have been through.  Sure she still can’t sit down and her list of things she can not touch grows and grows, but, she had fun with her brother in the evening and jabbered on in her old self, happy-go-lucky full of imagination, Abby self that we have missed so much over the past year with her tormented soul going through OCD.

Comments on: "Reflections on a simple but miraculous evening with my family" (2)

  1. Thanks for sharing your story of success. I feel so much for your daughter and am wondering if you have ever connected witha therapist who specializes in treating OCD in children? I’m not talking about medication; I’m talking about behavioral therapy. I am such a believer in it as my son had amazing results with Exposure Response Prevention Therapy……..just thought I’d mention it!

    • Thanks for your comments and for reading. We have only known about my daughter’s OCD since last spring. For a long time, we could not even talk about her ocd issues and the idea that they were seperate from her brought extreme anxiety. Things are better know, less behavior issues as we have grown to understand what is going on and as we have sought help. I have the book “When your brain gets stuck” and began reading it with her. But when we got to the part about defining obsessions, she got upset and did not want to continue. I plan to continue reading the book and hopefully with her, at her pace. It may take her a while to get through it and until she can see that she has something (OCD) and it is not really part of who she is, I can’t see taking her to a specialists. From all I have read, she has to be ready and willing to work on ERP therapy in order for it to be effective. SHe is reluctant to go to any doctor right now and so far we have gone to ones she knows. Once we can read more of the book, if she is willing to go to a therapist, I will look into that for her. I am on a list for parents of kids with OCD and have heard alot about therapists and ERP and how the therapist needs to specialize in treating ocd. I see the value in having someone outside myself (her parent) to assist her as well.
      Thank you again! It helps to connect with other parents of kids with ocd.

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